+of+spring+2006++May0001.JPG)
My heart is heavy. This Saturday, my grandmother, Helen Snider, is moving into a nursing home, due to the Alzheimer's disease she has been suffering with for several years now. And she doesn't even know it.My grandfather has been taking care of her himself all this time and doing his very best. The man truly must have achieved sainthood by now. Unfortunately, it has gotten to be too much for him to manage. My mom and her sisters had to help him make this decision and I know his heart has to be so torn and broken.
Nanna was vivacious, high-tempered, emotional, devoted, steel-strong, proud, and never met a stranger. Now she is a shadow of that woman and the glimpses of the true "Nan" are showing through less and less often. She still remembers something of who I am when I talk to her, though not that I have a child or which daughter I belong to, and I am certain that she will very soon forget completely. I can't imagine how frightening this will be for her, when life is so anxious and confusing already. After 65 years of commitment to this woman, I can't fathom how this ending feels for Pop.
It just kicked me in the gut last night. Hard. Suddenly, I realized that there are no more trips to Nanna and Pop's house in Bossier City, no more shopping for school clothes at the mall, swimming at their pool, going out for late-night TCBY runs with Nan, no more sneaking me 20 dollar bills and telling me not to tell Pop. I can't get any of that back. They haven't lived there in several years now so denial must be a powerful thing. Where did it all go?
And so we are saying good-bye. Not physically yet, but in every other sense. Alzheimer's is a horrible, horrible thing. And I'm not there. My family is packing, moving, and distracting both of them this weekend and trying to do all this with their best faces on. I don't envy them one bit but wish I could help anyway. Dealing with sad things in the family is none of our fortes.
But all glory be to God who knows all and does all according to his Good Purpose.
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary you have been grieved by various trials. 1 Peter 1:6
Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven... Luke 6:23
Love you all.
6 comments:
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about your Nan. Alzheimer's is such a sad and confusing ending to life, and the worst part is that the ones who suffer the most are the actual family and loved ones. During my years in the Long Term Care side of health care, one thing I never got used to was seeing the frustration families went through because of this disease. One thing I did learn, however, is that this disease cannot take away the memories that you have of your Nan and who your Nan really is in her heart and how she felt and feels about you all. It will change her reality almost daily, and it's a wasted effort to try and correct those reality changes. To make her last years the best they can be, just try and find pleasure and smiles in the way she remembers her life now. If she see's a picture of a space ship and insists she was an astronaut, just smile proudly and ask her to tell you her best space story. As this disease progresses, she will live more and more in her distant past. Remember that you are not patronizing her by going along with her incorrect stories. This is the most gentle way you can continue loving the person and forgiving the disease. I'll keep your family, and especially your grandfather, in my prayers.
I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm glad that you have so many great memories of Nanna though. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry Amy. I know how much they mean to you. Praying for you and your family and especially POP. I always enjoyed hearing stories about them. Love you.
Sorry to hear this Amy. That's not an easy thing. Keeping you in prayer.
This post made my heart ache for you and especially your grandfather. What a loving husband he's been to take care of her! I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.
Post a Comment