I've been feeling stressed out all week and I'm not sure why exactly. It's like there is a cloud hanging over our house.
Noah has been a challenge, to put it nicely, all week. Not sure if it's the time change screwing his schedule up and me making him tired by trying to push everything an hour ahead, or if it's new teeth coming in, or what. This week we've had a lot more fits and whining than usual and a new air of defiance. He has started hitting Jeremy and I whenever we do something he doesn't like and loves to give us the evil eye while he does something he knows he's not allowed. How many times can you say "no" in one day, really? I think the "spankings" that we've been giving are not only completely ineffective but maybe the reason that he hits us. His babysitter told me I'm just not hitting hard enough. Ha! So, we've been having some "time-ins" where I hold him on my lap and he jerks and screams like he's being murdered after he hits or deliberately does what we will tell him not to do. Gotta get that pack n' play set up for timeouts. He's got grandparents coming for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'm already embarrassed.
Plus, Jeremy has been gone working a lot of hours this week and is worn out. I'm feeling a little emotional for no particular reason. So we're all just a bit out of sorts somehow.
Not sure why, but I've been thinking a lot lately about us adding another member to our family and think I need to just let it out. Probably because I have friends who are expecting and because Noah is getting to the age where people expect you to get to it. In theory, I want to have another one. But in practicality, I don't. I would like to have a bigger family and find it hard to see us just as three for forever. But I am selfish, wimpy, and a complainer. Pregnancy was not fun for me. And then I was pretty miserable for months after Noah was born but didn't want to tell anyone. I love him to death and would do it all over again for him. I just wanted myself back. Jeremy probably gave me the best advice when he said that when the time is right, I'll be ready. I want to be that great mom really bad.
Thanks for letting me air out, if you're still reading! Confession is good for the soul, right? I am a believer in not painting a pretty picture all the time.
We've got so many positive things to look forward to. Next week, Jeremy has an important business trip to take (not that I look forward to him being gone) and he will get back the same day that his parents arrive to spend almost 2 weeks with us for Thanksgiving. While they are here, just he and I are taking a 3-night trip to NYC that I have looked forward to for my entire life!! I am a little anxious since we've only been away from Noah overnight 3 times in his life and this is the longest but I'm still excited that we are able to do this anyway. And my parents are coming for Christmas, since we decided to wait a bit on our return trip to Texas. We've even thought about heading up to Hershey Park in PA so Noah can see the Christmas lights sometime next month.
We've had a temporary upswing in the weather this week and it's been great to be able to get out in the afternoons. God is good and does good. Enjoy the weekend!
3 comments:
I just Love You and I love your heart. What you and J are doing is hard because you are not like most people who have grandparents who come and help out with little ones from time to time. You need to call me when you feel this way. It is all part of being a Mommy. If spanking is not working then try something else. keep trying things until you figure out what works for you. Your probably right he has just had a rough week. You are a great mom. You know in our line of work we have seen some really bad parents and you know Noah is well loved and cared for. You are great. You are tired and you need some R and R with you hubby. So yea for grandparents coming and for your trip to NYC. As far as having another Child you need to do whatever works for you and your family and the heck with what anyone else thinks. Pray about it until you have a peace about whatever decision you make.
We all have days, weeks ect.. that we feel this way you are not alone. Take a deep breath have a glass of wine and remember "Mama said there would be days like this.." Praying for you, miss you and love you.
You are a great mom. You can tell you love Noah and want the best for him. We all have days/weeks/months like this. It's part of being a mom. Matthew asked me today why I always talk loud to him *ouch* He was driving me crazy because he wouldn't get dressed for school. you'll get through this. Each stage is a blessing and remember they say love the child, hate the behavior. We are going through some of the same issues with Jacob right now. He hits us all the time. Just take a deep breath and now that someday you're going to miss this. (((HUGS)))
I definately agree with Carolee, you have to find what works for Noah, plus you cannot back down or even hesitate when you say you are going to do whatever it is. If they sense your hesitation, and they will, you have lost and will have to try something else before you even know if that would have worked. Don't be afraid to spank a little hard...once. I know in your line of work you saw things that would make anyone a little swimish to say the least...but if you give them a good "whoopin" once, you may indeed only have to do it that one time, sometimes it just takes that once to get them to realize that you are the Mommy and that you mean business.
As for the additions...you will know when the time is right or is not right for you and your family. Don't let anyone let you believe that you have to have "so many" in your family, some are just "built" for more pregnancies than others and we cannot let ourselves feel like we are "not good" Mommies for it either way. Pregnancy was very difficult for me (as you may or may not remember) and I came out of it thinking I REALLY didn't want to do that again. Then about two years ago, I really got the "tug" thinking that pregnancy wasn't that bad and I might like to have another one. I talked to my team of Dr's about it and they ran all their test and said it would be very dangerous for me to even try...yes "someone" else made that decision for me but I kind of knew that before I even had them to see if it was possible. As you know,
the Lord ALWAYS works things out for us and we just have to be patient to for Him to make his plan visible as accept that there is a reason for the outcome.
Have fun in NYC, I know you have wanted to go there for many years.
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